think think...think carefully

its a weird feeling. I have graduated. Have been applying to all sorts of jobs and unsure of what i really want.

Sometimes i just feel like im not ready to get into a career. I havent identified what i would enjoy doing for the rest of my life, and sometimes felt like i needed more time to do more soul searching. Im at a stage where im not sure of what is happening to my life and im unsure of what to do...perhaps i need some extra experience to gather my thoughts and understand myself better.

One way of thinking it is i am not sure and i needed more time, more freedom to experience and explore something worth the rest of my life. That i believe require alot of try and error and reflection, but i dont know whats stopping me. maybe its peer pressure? everyone of the same age have found a job and is working and are living independent life. Maybe its financial pressure ? that i have a huge amount of outstanding loan to repay. maybe its just life pressure that i feel like i should be working at this stage, after so many years of education.

Another way of thinking it is that there are no such thing as perfect job or a job that you enjoy. it only exists for super small percentage of human beings and most of them are people who have been super uber successful in their career, they quit their career and startup a new business which they heart and see opportunity in.

talking about the i needed more time to explore and stuff like that. I felt that one thing education failed to do to me, or at least i wished education or someone have taught me that it is important to do soul searching and know yourself, life is too short and the years in ur education are the only times where you can afford to spend time and look into yourself. I failed to do that in the past i dont know how many years. Education has successfully driven knowledge and skills perhaps into our mind but have failed to help and assist us in looking for our true self. At least i think my education has not achieved that purpose. Perhaps it is set that way, customized to feed in skills and knowledge to grow the economy of a country or region. that explains why people have so little sense of satisfaction and fulfillment in life and only worked for money and perhaps a career that is not too taxing. im not sure if im going too far away but at the moment i felt like there is a need to understand myself and understand my purpose, else i wont find any job interesting or meaningful. at the same time i feel like i dont have the luxury to find that out.

Probably i should just end up like everybody else, be a product of an education factory, work hard in life, get some money and there goes another normal story.

dont worry if you dont understand what i have written. I dont either. I wished I do. But no, i dont.

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